QUESTION

Hi Kiara,

I am lonely and yearning for a relationship. I obsess over finding my soulmate and settling down with someone. Can you help me live a happier single life and stop obsessing?

Love,

Lin!

ANSWER

Hi Lin,

I call this “relationship anxiety”. Many people suffer from this problem today, especially since we are constantly bombarded with images of happy couples and unrealistic expectations of romance. Let me share a few tips with you on how to enjoy life as a single without longing for a relationship.

Tip #1: Focus on yourself.

When you neglect your own needs and goals, you might crave a relationship. Your focus might be on finding someone who can make you happy, instead of finding happiness within yourself. You can never be complete or filled with joy by anyone else. That’s something you have to do for yourself. Why not invest in yourself instead of searching for a partner? Take up a new hobby, learn a new skill, travel, volunteer, or do anything that makes you feel fulfilled. Your self-esteem and confidence will increase if you focus on yourself and attract people who share your interests and passions.

Tip #2: Expand your social circle.

Feeling isolated and lonely is another reason you might be desperate for a relationship. You might rely on a single person or a small group of friends for all your social and emotional support. This is neither healthy nor realistic. To enrich your experience and perspective, you need a rich and diverse social life. Rather than staying at home and swiping through dating apps, why not get out and meet new people? Become a member of a club, attend an event, enroll in a class, or simply strike up a conversation. Chances are, you’ll never know who you’ll meet or what opportunities await you. Your chances of finding someone compatible with you will increase as you expand your social circle, which will reduce your loneliness and boredom.

Tip #3: Enjoy the present moment.

Lastly, you might be obsessed with finding a relationship because you are living in the past or the future. Your thoughts might be occupied with your past failures or rejections, or you might dream about your ideal partner or scenario. I do not think this is helpful or productive. There’s nothing more important than the present moment, which is full of beauty and joy. What better way to enjoy the present than to regret the past or fret over the future? Don’t take for granted what you have right now, whether it’s your health, your family, your friends, or your job. Be present and savor each experience, regardless of how they turn out. You will improve your mood and well-being by enjoying the present moment, while also opening yourself up to new possibilities.

Please let me know if you have all your problems resolved, or if not, then you should consider consulting a doctor or therapist. If you would like more of this kind of easy relationship advice, please do not hesitate to come back.

Love,

Kiara!

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