Being married to someone who doesn’t listen to you is one of the most frustrating things. Most spouses complain about their husband or wife just not remembering important information they discussed–even to the point of not remembering it at all.
If this describes your relationship, don’t worry; you can use a few mindset shifts and strategies to improve matters and get your voice heard. Interested in learning more? Keep reading.
DO NOT ASSUME YOUR SPOUSE IS LISTENING WITH INTENT
There’s a good chance your spouse is not really slipping up when you say things. Due to the busy culture of today, it is very likely that he or she will often multitask. It is very difficult to remember what we hear when we are trying to do multiple things at once. There’s nothing wrong with adding one more plate to what your spouse is already spinning.
In addition, spouses usually listen differently; it depends on their personalities and how stress affects them. When talking to your spouse, sometimes it’s just a matter of giving him or her time to digest your words. While they might seem distracted or only half-listening to you (if they seem to be listening at all), their brains might just be processing the information at the moment.
Couples who encounter communication difficulties are sometimes dealing with gender issues (although this isn’t always the case). Men tend to have a harder time remembering things they’ve heard – but stereotypes aren’t always true. If your situation is unique, your wife might find it harder to focus than you do.
While some spouses will not listen consciously, most of the time, external circumstances make it difficult for them to listen and remember what you’ve said. Keeping this in mind will help you avoid overreacting.
VERIFY YOUR APPROACH AND CHANGE IT AS NEEDED
We feel frustrated and even angry when we feel someone isn’t listening to us–especially someone as intimate as our spouse. It can affect the way we react to their apparent inability to hear or remember what we have said. While we may be justified in being upset, it’s still important to behave responsibly.
Give yourself time to calm down before approaching your spouse about an issue you’re upset about. It will be counterproductive to make angry demands; your spouse may lose interest in you. You should try a different approach if you have approached them this way in the past.
Communication can be easier to remember if you put it in writing if your spouse sometimes has a hard time keeping track of things. Writing down the message might help if you’re worried he or she won’t get it if you say it verbally. Put the details on paper, or leave a note where they’ll find it easily asking them to talk when they have a free moment (like their work desk, by the computer, on their bathroom mirror, etc.).
Avoid using notes as a means of avoiding other forms of communication. Consider them a safety net instead. There is nothing wrong with your spouse reading rather than listening if he or she retains information better that way.
The style of communication you use is also something to consider. The mind of your spouse might wander if you tend to ramble and talk for a long time, but your spouse tends to be straightforward and to the point verbally. In such a case, you may need to actively adjust your communication style when you need your spouse to hear and retain something important.
TIMING IS EVERYTHING WHEN YOU NEED THEIR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION
You can feel heard when your spouse is fully present during key moments when you’re talking. At times like these, don’t be afraid to ask for their full attention.
If you would like, you can ask them to weigh in by saying, “I have an important question for you, and I would appreciate your feedback.” You can also ask for their input: “I need your input on something.” Could we talk now?”
When you find it difficult to get your spouse’s attention, you can say, “Hey, when you’re ready to talk, there’s something I need to focus on.” This will give them a chance to focus on listening rather than springing important information on them when they’re busy.
So, here’s what you should remember next time you get mad at your spouse who doesn’t listen or remembers what you say. Please let me know how it goes if you implement these thoughts.
