Sometimes it is difficult to know if it is the fear of commitment or if you guys are not just the perfect match. But fear of commitment can cause a lot of problems in your relationship and you may not be able to focus on your work. So, when you are with a partner who is not able to decide to move to the next developmental milestone it can result in some serious issues. Sometimes it happens because you are with someone who is not there emotionally or he is someone who fears commitment.
Commitment-phobic people are scared of major life events like engagement, marriage, or even moving in together. So, here are the steps to identify if your partner is truly scared of commitment:
1. They are not vulnerable in the relationship:
They are afraid of being hurt and that they are not able to let their guard down just to let you in to show their tender side of them.
2. They have the fear of getting rejected:
Often they do not admit it to themselves, but they have this fear of rejection. They are easily hurt and they do take things personally which adds to that fear.
3. They are having trouble making plans:
And this can range from being noncommittal about their next partner to planning big events such as meeting their parents. Commitment phobes will try to avoid these things at every cost. They tend to be unreliable about anything which needs commitment and accountability.
4. Their relationship will never go beyond a certain point in time:
They have a long history of brief relationships that can last anywhere from weeks to months or years. But when things in a relationship are real, there are chances that your partner might run away.
5. They have a history of choosing unavailable partners:
They might have a history of choosing people who are not suitable for the long run. Partners like alcoholics, addicts, married men, or emotionally available ones, will choose them. This helps them not commit.
6. They are not married:
Usually, you will meet someone who was married but then got scared because of the pain of separation and this shows how commitment-phobic they are.
7. They do not have friends:
Fear of rejection goes too far beyond romantic relationships. Friendship needs a type of commitment, willingness to be vulnerable, and transparency just to have long-term friendships.
8. They have trouble giving titles:
They are not comfortable labeling your relationship by using words like girlfriend and boyfriend. They will avoid these terms about how to handle them.
The origination of fear of commitment:
The inability of a person to take any healthy relationship ahead is a sign of emotional turmoil. This typically comes from their childhood and the fear of rejection. Some of the most common reasons that people develop commitment phobia are because:
1. They saw their parents in a bad relationship.
2. They experience a parent’s divorce.
3. Getting caught in early childhood attachment issues.
4. Being subjected to childhood abuse.
5. Going through a sequence of bad breakups or divorce.
Can a commitment-phobic person change?
A person who has a fear of commitment wants to change, he can do that. Try individual/couple therapy which helps them in figuring out the reason behind him being commitment phobic.
Avoiding anger:
When you have someone with these fears, just make sure to take things slowly. It needs a lot of patience and which is not everyone’s cup of tea.
Typically, the non commitment-centric partner comes to a stage in life where their frustration starts harming their relationship. And once you get that to a point, your relationship starts breaking.
So, if frustration keeps hitting a boiling point, then you should end your relationship.
