QUESTION
Hi Kiara,
While we are in college, I am sharing an apartment with a fellow student to save on rent and utilities. Now that we’ve spent 2 months together, I’m a little attracted to him. Would you mind telling me if dating a roommate is a good idea?
Love,
Gia!
ANSWER
Hi Gia,
Most often, a relationship evolves from a roommate situation into something more. Eventually, you start wondering how you might expand this relationship beyond roommates.
Please hold off before you plan that romantic dinner. Playing house is one thing, but these 5 solid reasons may make you rethink dating a roommate.
1. You can never go back to Netflix and chill.
Watching Netflix and spending time with your roommate could lead to a romp in the bedroom, right? If you want to Netflix and chill after the honeymoon ends, what would that look like?
There’s no denying it: getting sexually involved with someone changes the dynamic, especially if you share a bathroom with them every day.
2. A lack of privacy becomes an issue.
If you share chores and responsibilities, such as cooking or laundry, you might enjoy each other’s company. It’s all good until it’s not.
Cooking and eating together is fun, but someone has to do the dishes eventually. The laundry won’t fold itself. When you’re in a romantic relationship, the little annoyances become magnified because you start to take them personally. Because you live in the same residence, you feel like you have nowhere to escape your roommate.
3. Dating a roommate makes it hard to share money.
How much do you want your roommate to know about your financial life (good or bad)? The responsibility of paying your bills on time and in full is yours, but you know nothing about what your roommate is getting paid nor how well they handle their budgeting duties.
4. Jealousy is real.
Early on in a dating relationship, it’s unlikely that you’ll be in an exclusive relationship. Would you be upset if your roommate brought back another date?
Even if you’re just friends with benefits, it can be hard to see your roommate go out and return late at night. Even worse, what if one of you thinks your relationship is more serious than it is?
5. You may lose more than your heart.
The breakup might be inevitable, but what happens when you are not able to live within a mile of each other? Since you’re both on the lease, how will you break it? What if one person moves out and someone else takes over the sublease? Is such an arrangement even allowed by your landlord?
What if it gets really bad and one of you just can’t handle it anymore and leaves, leaving the other with rent due on the first of every month? Also, you may have to live with them until your lease agreement ends, which could take months.
So, if you’re thinking of dating your roommate too early, I think it’s a mistake. If the relationship does not work out, the partner may leave and leave the other with a financial burden. It could make living together very uncomfortable and cause tension and resentment. Don’t fall in love until you’ve spent years understanding them.
Love,
Kiara!
