QUESTION
Hi Kiara,
As a thirty-something single person, I’ve never been in a relationship. I have never been able to connect emotionally with anyone. Currently, I am filled with longing for a romantic partner, but I do not think I will find anyone soon. Can this longing be overcome?
Love,
Samantha!
ANSWER
Hi Samantha,
“Soulmate” is a romantic concept, but it doesn’t reflect reality. In the world of relationships, there are lots of people that you could potentially be happy with. If you consider yourself a romantic, they might be ‘The One’ for you, depending on your compatibility.
Soulmate aren’t real, so don’t put your faith in them. Relationships take conscious effort every day. There are two factors to a successful, fulfilling relationship.
First, the person you choose.
Instead of actively seeking a perfect partner, I suggest that you embody the qualities they are seeking. When you don’t know what kind of person you want, you end up hopping from one person to another. Knowing what you want is essential to getting it.
Your desire will be attracted if you embody it. Similar qualities attract people. Ideally, you would like to be with someone who is emotionally stable, financially stable, and responsible. Keep a mental checklist when a potential partner enters the picture, and try not to get caught up in superficial qualities. As a result, you will avoid getting into relationships you don’t want.
The second factor is to get to know your presumably ideal partner based on your criteria.
Keep an objective perspective. Feelings are powerful, but they are not reliable judges of character. Get to know them better and confirm whether they are who they say they are.
At this point, do not make any promises. If the person turns out to be the opposite, you have the option of withdrawing. If they confirm you were correct, congratulations. It is here that the real effort begins, and where the real relationship is built.
Every day, inquire about their day. Creating this habit will help you both be honest about your feelings and deal with problems in the future. There is no substitute for open communication in a relationship.
Success is not guaranteed, but failures are diminished if these things are considered. I hope that you will not be single once you start meeting new like-minded individuals.
Much love,
Kiara!
