Fear of intimacy is common, but the inability to overcome that fear creates havoc in your relationships. Firstly, you need to recognize the signs of fear of intimacy in your relationships, and then address the problem. So, here is what our experts have to say:
1.) You are always angry:
There are many different types of anger, and it helps to figure out what type you are showing. A subconscious and deep fear of intimacy can rear its ugly head and then show up in response to a relationship that is becoming very close, and one can manifest this fear through anger. There are constant explosions of anger which indicate immaturity. Also, everyone gets angry and if you find feelings of anger getting bubbled up constantly, then you may be hiding underneath. This fix is not quick and easy, but communicating this to your partner will help. Make a place for honest, frequent, and open communication.Â
2.) You are afraid of not being perfect:
We want to be loved, but that takes trust and the ability to risk rejection.
People in relationships are asking themselves if they can trust someone. Can they show their flaws? The only way to overcome this fear is by taking measured risks. Being loved for who you are is an incredible gift. But you have to show your partner your true self. Give your partner the chance to show up for you, and then see what is going to happen. It will work like magic. This is also a great way to be more open and precise. No matter who you are, or what you have done in the past, coming out clean about it will make you free.
3.) You are sexually not mature enough:
Maybe you love sex, but you are not able to connect with your partner during this act. If so, then your intimacy issues may be resulting in another level of sexual immaturity, which has nothing to do with your age. Sexual immaturity can is all about having an excessive interest in porn, as opposed to making love. Sexually immature individuals might include using toys, rather than concentrating on their partner. It also includes the ability to not give attention to the other’s needs and only on their sexual gratification. Partners can reconcile by having sex. Here, both ends of the spectrum display an inability to emotionally let go of things to communicate intimately.
4.) You are in their body and not in their spirit:
 You can always share a home and still have big intimacy problems. You do not have to be attached to your partner at the hip, but if you take out time for each other to talk, then it creates wonders. Also, nonverbal ways to build intimacy include eye contact and being present for each other. Physical contact like cuddling in the morning, or a real hug when you come back from work, is very powerful. It builds safety, resulting in deeper intimacy.
5.) Your history precedes you:
If you are looking back at those relationships which didn’t work out, then your fear of intimacy may be to blame. It can be agonizing trying to find a negative pattern in the way you behave. Dig deep, and look at all the important people in your life. Also, if you love spending time in groups, rather than one-on-one, then this represents the fear of intimacy.
6.) You would always prefer emotional affairs:
If you find yourself talking through all the intimacy issues in your relationship with your loved ones, this might represent a fear of intimacy. This emotional relationship will be damaged if someone else is a deserving sexual partner. It would not matter if you are connecting virtually, or at the office. What matters is that you are not communicating this honestly with your partner. Emotional matters are all about trust. So, when you go behind your partner’s back and share information that you would not talk about in presence of your partner, then that is an emotional affair.
7.) You are engrossed in your job:
Being a workaholic is a big sign of emotional intimacy issues. Long hours can affect your physical health. So, when we are busy with our work, it might be because we unconsciously avoid intimacy. Many people who avoid intimacy do this because they try to avoid feelings of sadness, shame, and anger.
8.) You have your filters:
Maybe you are an unending perfectionist, and that is ruining your life. Or maybe you are also afraid to take your mask off and show your concern. People who avoid intimacy, want to be perceived by others by always being in a good mood.
So, always try to overcome the fear of intimacy by just being yourself and communicating your things with your partner.
