Hi Kiara!
This is Jennie. My ten-year-old husband just hit me for the first time today in front of our son. Should I slap him back to demonstrate to my husband that if he strikes me again, he will receive the boomerang treatment and to demonstrate to our son that his mother is not afraid of his father?
I’d be watching for your reply.
Love,
Jennie
Hi Jennie,
I understand your situation. Even if it’s your first time getting slapped, he’s probably already given it some thought. He may have worked up to the slap with a little bit here and there. From here, it gets worse; it’s going downhill. It won’t improve on its own. Make sure you both receive individual and couple counseling. For him to discover what, in his mind, convinced him that it was acceptable to strike you, much less in front of your child. Together, you can learn how to have a conversation without disagreeing and most definitely without getting physical.
My friend’s spouse didn’t slap her during their first marriage. He used to choke her while positioning her up against the wall and forcing her to stand on her toes. He once humiliated her to the fullest extent by kicking her in the head in front of his friend. She was pushed out the door, which he then locked. They were always shouting at one another. He once even reached for a nearby knife in the kitchen, but she was so furious that she refrained from using it.
Another time, she was about to hurl a glass candle bowl at him when it cracked in her palm and slightly cut her hand due to her rage. Her ex-husband did get to the point where he spanked her in front of her 3-year-old son. What ultimately convinced her to leave? Her three-year-old kid began sucking his thumb for the first time. That worked. “That’s it,” she said.
Your priority is on the child you bring into the world. Do not allow them to grow up in a poisonous environment. Either you fix it or you take off. Leave if he won’t get counseling. It implies that he is not accepting responsibility and that it WILL occur again. Every time they claim it won’t, it does.
Let me add that the goal of this is not to prove to your son that you are unafraid of your husband. It’s important to respect yourself to respect your son.
I wish you luck and safety.
Kiara.
