Teenagers find being in love thrilling and exciting. Love can make a teenage couple feel invincible. Together, they build each other up, slaying in every aspect! As soon as romance blossoms, it’s full of possibilities. Suddenly, either party loses interest. It’s life.
At this stage of their lives, teens are at the crossroads of adolescence and adulthood. As they become more independent, they are discovering who they are, where they come from, as well as what their place is in the world, whether it is in a familial, personal, or professional relationship. Their lives will be filled with new experiences and personalities. Some relationships are pleasant, but others may not be, and when that happens, it is time to end it.
Teenagers need to deal with breakups the same way they deal with puberty and first love. Although disappointment is a part of life, it does not define who they are or who they will be.
Since teens will enter a lot of relationships (and experience breakups) during the course of their lives, the earlier teens learn when and how to end an unproductive relationship, the better off they will be.
Break-up Do’s and Don’ts
Each situation is unique. When it comes to breaking up, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. While thinking about having that break-up conversation, there are some general “do’s and don’ts” you should keep in mind.
DO:
- Think about what you want and why you want it. It is important to take the time to think about the reasons behind your decision and your feelings. Keep your true self in mind. Regardless of whether the other person is hurt by your decision, it’s okay to do what’s right for you. Just make sure you do it sensitively.
- Think about how you’ll say it and how the other person may respond. What will your BF or GF think? Will they be surprised, sad, mad, hurt, or even relieved? Being sensitive means thinking about the other person’s point of view and feelings. Besides helping you prepare, it also makes things easier. If you break up with someone, do you think they might cry? Lose their temper? If so, how will you deal with that?
- Good intentions are important. Give the other person a sense of importance. Take the time to think about the qualities you wish to show the other person – such as honesty, kindness, sensitivity, respect, and caring.
- Honesty is key, but don’t be brutal. Tell the other person what attracted you to him or her in the first place, and what you like about them. Then explain why you wish to move on. The concept of honesty does not mean being harsh. Do not pick apart the other person’s qualities as a way to explain why things aren’t working. Be kind and gentle while being honest at the same time.
- Tell them in person. Together, you’ve shared a lot. Breaking up in person shows that you respect others (and also your good qualities). Try video chat or making a phone call if you live far away. It may seem easy to end a relationship through texting or Facebook. However, think about how you’d feel if your ex did that – and what your friends would think about it!
- Confide in someone you trust. A trusted friend can help you work through your feelings. Make sure the person you confide in can keep your information private until you have your actual breakup conversation with your BF or GF. Make sure your BF/GF hears it from you – not someone else. That’s why talking to your parents, older sisters or brothers, or other adults can be a great idea. There’s no chance they’ll blab or slip it out.
DON’T:
- Don’t avoid the conversation or the person. You and your BF or GF will have a harder time if you drag things out. Additionally, when people put things off, information can leak out anyway. It’s important that the person you’re breaking up with hears it from you first.
- Don’t rush into a difficult discussion. You may regret what you say. Take time to think through what you want to say so you can express yourself clearly and respectfully.
- Don’t be disrespectful. Don’t gossip or badmouth your ex (or soon-to-be ex). Think about how you would feel if you were him or her. It would be nice if your ex only said good things about you after you’ve parted ways. Also, your ex might become a friend or even rekindle a romance someday.
The “do’s and don’ts” listed below aren’t just for break-up scenarios. If you don’t really want to go out with someone, you can follow the same guidelines for letting them know.
