Even the best of us experience it occasionally: we meet someone wonderful, have a fantastic first date (and a second, and a third, and so on), and things seem to be moving along very quickly. When you see the person you want to commit to shows zero interest in doing the same, you’re prepared to have “the discussion” about defining the relationship.
Unfortunately, commitment anxiety is a very real issue that makes maintaining a fulfilling love relationship extremely difficult. This type of fear can appear in a variety of ways. A person who has a true phobia of commitment may alter every aspect of their life because they are terrified to commit to, well, anything.
The most common term used to describe a fear of commitment in romantic relationships is gamophobia, or the dread of marriage and commitment. It can be devastating for your relationship if you or the person you are dating fears commitment.
Possibilities of one’s fear of commitment
There are numerous possible causes for someone to fear commitment. Some of them consist of:
Trauma
Someone’s views on commitment might have changed if they observed the tumultuous marriage or divorce of their parents. They might not want to repeat past mistakes since they may have grown up believing that disagreement and difficult times cannot be resolved.
Accordingly, if someone has a very toxic or abusive relationship, it may lead them to reject the notion of dating anyone else.
Attachment Type
The theory of attachment types helps to describe how adults attach to one another in emotionally intimate relationships. Secure, anxious, disorganised, and avoidant attachment are the four different types of attachment styles.
People who have an avoidant attachment style frequently demand a lot of independence and are reluctant to empathise with others. Your attachment type typically develops earlier in life, and people who are avoidantly attached may have witnessed their parents’ lack of emotional intimacy or did not have their emotional needs met.
Low Confidence
It might be challenging to believe that someone is deserving of a fulfilling, loving relationship if they have a low degree of self-esteem. Someone who has such a poor view of themselves may shun commitment in an effort to protect themselves from harm.
Overcoming a fear of commitment
Acknowledging that there is a fear of commitment is the first and most crucial step in overcoming it. If both spouses disagree about how the problem is affecting your relationship, you cannot resolve it.
Following your acknowledgment that a fear of commitment is unquestionably a problem, try one of the following strategies to overcome it:
Speaking of It
Healthy relationships are based on open, honest communication. You must possess the capacity for dialogue! When someone is unwilling to invest emotionally, it can be challenging to convince them to open up, but complete honesty is important in order to decide how you want to go. (Whether done together or separately.)
Speak with an Expert
Since tackling the cause of commitment phobia can be challenging, seeing a mental health professional can occasionally be beneficial. They can help you identify the source of your fear of commitment and show you how to proceed.
Observe Boundaries
You can quickly end a relationship by persistently pressing the other person into a commitment before they’re ready. Any boundaries they impose should be respected and shown to be understood. Of course, the converse is also true: you shouldn’t be compromising any of your own requirements or fundamental principles in an effort to preserve them.
Consider couples therapy or relationship coaching.
Meeting with a relationship coach or counsellor can help you get on the right track if you and your partner are having problems with commitment anxiety but want to work it out. They can provide knowledgeable counsel and direction depending on your unique needs as a couple.
Traits of Those Who Fear Commitment
There are various telltale behaviours that may point to a phobia, yet the signals of a fear of commitment aren’t always obvious:
- Future plans are never discussed jointly.
- They discuss the future without including you They might abruptly disappear for a few days (also known as “ghosting”).
- They dislike using terms like “boyfriend,” “girlfriend,” or “partner” in conversation.
- Their past relationships have all been brief.
- When you attempt to elicit an emotional response from them, they become combative, impatient, or irritated.
- When a relationship starts to get more serious, they break it off.
- Even after months of dating, your talks are constantly more informal.
