Signs of Gaslighting and what to do?

Whenever you hear the word ‘Gaslighting’, it is an act of manipulation occurring in an abusive relationship.

It is a covert type of emotional abuse in which the abuser misleads the target by creating a false narrative and making them question their judgments.

It usually occurs in romantic relationships, but it is not uncommon in controlling friendships or family members. People who gaslight others have mental issues. They use this type of emotional abuse to exert power and manipulate others.

How does Gaslighting work?

It is a technique that undermines a person’s perception of a real narrative. When someone is gaslighting you, it means that you keep doubting yourself. After communicating with the person gaslighting you, you might feel a bit dazed and wonder if there is something- wrong with you.

Signs of Gaslighting:

 Being subjected to gaslighting can result in anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues that include; addiction and suicidal thoughts. For this reason, it is crucial to recognize when you are experiencing gaslighting.

1. You start doubting your reality: You try to convince yourself that the treatment you are getting is not that bad or that you are very sensitive.

2. You start questioning your perceptions and judgments: You are afraid of speaking up or expressing your thoughts. You have learned that sharing your opinions might make you feel worse in the end, so it is better to stay silent.

3. You feel insecure: You are afraid to open up to your partner, or a family member. You lack self-esteem.

4. You feel powerless: You are convinced that everyone around you is crazy, unstable, or is simply like the person who is gaslighting you. This makes you isolated and trapped.

5. You are disappointed: You feel weak and passive, instead of becoming stronger or assertive.

6. You feel confused: The behavior of the person who is gaslighting you confuses you.

7. You spend a lot of time apologizing: You need to apologize for all the time for things you do and do not do.

8. You feel inadequate: You start feeling like you are never good enough.

9. You struggle to make decisions: You would rather allow your partner to make decisions for you and avoid decision-making altogether.

Why do people gaslight others?

The typical goal of the gaslighter is not just manipulation, but the power to control. This type of learned behavior is rooted in psychopathy or a personality disorder.

Things to do if someone is gaslighting you?

1. Maintaining some distance: It can be helpful to take a step back from the intense emotions that gaslighting evoke. Physically leaving the situation can be helpful and you might try doing some relaxation techniques like grounding exercises or deep breathing.

2. Saving the evidence: Because gaslighting can make you question yourself, so work on preserving evidence of your past experiences. Keep a journal, save text messages or emails so that you can look back on them later, and remind yourself that you should not doubt yourself.

3. Setting up boundaries: Boundaries tell others what you are willing to accept in a relationship. Making it very clear that you won’t allow the other person to engage in actions like trivializing.

4. Getting an outside perspective: Talking to a friend or family member about what you are going through. This can make your situation clear.

5. Ending a relationship: While it can be difficult, ending the relationship with someone who gaslights you, but is the best solution. 

The takeaway:

Always remember that you are not to be blamed for everything happening to you. The person gaslighting you is choosing to behave in this way. They are responsible for their actions. Nothing you did caused them to do this, and you would not be able to change what they are doing.

But with the right counseling, you can learn how to make good choices and set boundaries with the person who would engage in a gaslighting act. Ultimately, you might reach a place where you feel you are ready to move on in your life.