Yes, parenting your partner seems like a challenging process, because you have probably tried everything you can think of. You might be on the verge of breaking up or thinking about that green grass on the other end. Before making any decisions, we would recommend you to take a pause and think.
When we find ourselves in this position, it is mandatory to do some internal work versus staying stuck.
Parenting your partner can be a bit frustrating, isolating, and tiring. We can carry when we feel as though we are parenting our spouse. It is very normal to have a more dominant personality in a relationship that generally makes the majority of decisions. But when partners start to feel less of a partnership and more of a child/parent relationship, there are bigger issues; that keep arising.
Sometimes, in a relationship, your partner remains stagnant and we start feeling that he’s taking undue advantage of certain things. And then, all of a sudden, relationships break. Speaking bluntly, relationships do not work like that. Our relationships demand a 50/50 partnership. We need to keep a balance to foster and appreciate things in our relationship to find a balance and mutual respect.
The feeling of parenting your partner might start from the beginning, or it may be created as time passes or situations change. Regardless of when it started, it is crucial to know why it started and get to the bottom of understanding what you want to change.
Signs of parenting behavior in a relationship:
The following are the signs of parenting your partner. But they all show a lack of respect and equality in the relationship:
1.) Waking your spouse up in the morning.
2.) Being overprotective.
3.) When traveling, you pack your partner’s luggage.
4.) You are the reminder person in your family-whether it is taking medications, finishing a chore, etc.
5.) You shopping for your partner’s clothes.
6.) You make an appointment with doctors for your partner.
7.) You find out legal forms for your partner.
8.) You keep track of your mate’s belongings like keys, wallet, etc.
9.) You cater to your partner’s needs.
10.)Your conversation style uses ‘baby talks’.
How to stop parenting your mate?
Showing care and concern for your partner is different and going beyond that is different. The point where you cross the line into a parenting role is where parenting starts. So, here are the steps you can take to correct them:
1.) Accepting that your partner does not like being treated like a child.
2.) Be mindful of your actions and stop treating your partner as a child.
3.) Creating a calendar for your family, but keeping it updated is everyone’s responsibility.
4.) Not criticizing your partner.
5.) Talk with your partner about any issues that arise.
6.) Letting your partner make mistakes and facing the consequences of being forgetful.
7.) Refraining from using a ‘parental’ tone.
Tips for initiating more understanding in your partnership:
1.) Talking about your impactful moments in your lives: Discuss how you both perceive the why behind why you are the way that you are. Go further into a discussion about your childhoods.
2.) Discussing your vulnerable needs, not demands and disappointments: Try to discuss your unmet needs in childhood, your insecurities about how you show up in the relationship, etc.
3.) Discussing how your expectations may be unrealistic and limiting: This does not mean that you do not have the needs and requests of your spouse, but what this does mean is you both have to win how your projections are affecting the relationship.
4.) Identify what areas you need to work on: Safely take accountability for your setbacks and explain that to your partner.
5.) Defining your roles in the relationship and sharing responsibilities: Yes, it might be silly to sit down and structure a list of roles and responsibilities, but it is effective for you to address them directly.
6.) Communicate about what you desire: Try to communicate as much as you can. It works!
A relationship, a complicated dynamic is not simple. You have to let go of your egos and forget that we are just flawed imperfect humans doing the best we can. Sometimes when we parent our partner, we do not realize that we feel defeated, anxious, or lonely. It is essential to recognize that having requirements or needs are important, but also learn to be patient and love your partner unconditionally.
