“As a woman, we need to reshape our perception of how we view ourselves. We have to step up as women and take the lead”…
Women’s day is around the corner, and we had so much to discuss. There were many topics that we thought would go with the theme. But then, we decided to write on, “Why are some women nasty to other women?”
So, female rivalry happens when a woman uses her power to bring down another woman. She mistreats her or competes unfairly to achieve her organizational goals. So, here are the three main reasons why women turn another woman down:
1.) Because they project their emotions onto other women- especially their suspicion, rage, anxiety, or fear.
2.) Because of their lack of curiosity/tolerance of difference.
3.) Because they do not have interpersonal and intrapersonal communication skills to recognize the behavior.
Early in our career, we had never heard of female rivalry. But with time, we started learning to distance ourselves from women who would mistreat us or did not trust us.
Well, I would talk about me. So, when I started writing my book, I interviewed 12 mid-career professional women and 10 younger women aged 17 to early 30s. I read more about them at work- including how they are perceived, their worth, and social norms. I also heard stories about how everyday sexism plays a crucial role in holding women back. For example, I also found out that both men and women judge women more harshly when they speak.
Another thing I also learned was that these women invite and value healthy competition, such as fighting for a project, job, or promotion.
Also, there is a concept of female rivalry with ‘one seat at the table’.
So, a young woman I met had applied for a transfer and was not selected. The reason behind this was they already had another woman who did not want another woman. She was so frustrated with the organization that she had to resign. This perception of ‘one seat at the table’ comes from a belief that diversity is necessary but not useful.
Women themselves think that they are not as strong and competent as men. And this is called internalized sexism. They have unconsciously absorbed beliefs about their rightful place. And this can lead women to mistreat and distance themselves from other women to increase their standing among men.
So, on this International women’s day, we say that it is time to uncover your own hidden biases by asking yourself these questions:
1.) Do you judge other women for the choices you do not make on a personal front?
2.) Do you criticize women for minor transgressions?
3.) Do you make excuses for men’s behavior?
4.) Do you compete more with other female colleagues?
ACTIONS YOU SHOULD TAKE TO BREAK THE FEMALE RIVALRY CYCLE:
1.) Helping women through mentorship and creating opportunities. If you see women struggling, never judge them. Always share information about how you have succeeded on projects and building effective relationships.
2.) Amplifying other women. It is the way you can encourage her.
3.) Giving women her credit for their accomplishments and contributions.
4.) If you have skills that are in high demand, then invite other women to join you.
5.) Join forces with other women to ask what you need at work.
6.) Do not talk badly about other women. If you have constructive feedback, just share it directly and respectfully.
7.) Always use company suggestion boxes to raise issues related to women.
8.) Stop expecting from your peers.
Being a woman, just understand that sensitive women who are more aware of themself receive the wound more deeply than less aware women who are more likely to brush aside the things. So, always appreciate other women and never bring them down.
