(Relationship Q&A)
Hi Kiara!
I always wanted to share this with someone but feared that people would judge me. But last week, my friend Joey told me about you, and he mentioned that you are someone who would never judge a person for anything. Hence, I thought of writing you Kiara! I am 35, and I have been dating a 28-year-old man for a year now. We have many issues that I do not have time to recount, but my basic problem is this. My bf has a female best friend (24 years old) who keeps interfering in our relationship, to the point that sometimes I feel that it’s over between us, but when my guy sweetly talks to me, I do not want to reach that way, and I am not sure how to handle the situation.
My guy is a kind, beautiful, and even-tempered person. Both of us are attracted to each other, we are very much in love, and we do not fight much. Part of the reason why we do not fight is that he is sweet and gentle. He never crosses his line to make me feel betrayed. Another reason we do not fight so that I had a terrible traumatic breakup in a previous relationship. So, I am extra careful in this relationship and do not want to hurt him unnecessarily, even if I am mad. We sort out our differences. Anyways, back to his best friend. That woman is- his best friend for a couple of years before we met. They work together and have done several extracurricular activities together. A couple of friends told me that she likes him and hates it when my guy is with me.
I have also observed that whenever he is with her, he forgets to text. He knows this that it pisses me off. A couple of times he observed this and assured me that I should not feel threatened by her. He told me that I am his priority at every point of his life. So what is the problem? It is just that even though this has been going on the whole time we have been dating, she never really backs off. I think he is enough of a ‘man in her life that she is not motivated to find her bf. She is very possessive of him and secretly hopes that I will go away eventually. I have no idea as to what and how I feel about this entire situation. But his best friend strikes me as a problem.
Well, what do you think is going on here Kiara? Is there any better way to deal with this?
Love!
Ketty!
Credits@GoogleImages
Hi Ketty!
I read your problem and a big hug to you! You are a beautiful soul and a generous woman, and I know how it feels to deal with an issue like this. Ketty, you know what? All of us have male and female friends. However, it is so strange to read the amount of time she spends with him. I am shocked to hear about her energy towards you.
It sounds like your guy has addressed your concerns and is also noticing her behavior around you. So, what’s up with the bad vibe? She may wish he was more than ‘just friends with her and hopes this is possible at some point in her life. Your guy also seems to be fairly clueless as to how this could make you feel uncomfortable.
Credits@GoogleImages
Reading about you, you have taken a good first step with him in dealing with a few of the problems associated with their friendship. So, this time also, you can take it further and ask him to set some boundaries with her.
You may be his priority. But for her, your guy is the priority. Your aim is for more emotional safety in your relationship, and healthy boundaries will work. Just break it down to him in that way. If he does not make any adjustments and you still feel uncomfortable, ask yourself what is holding you back…
Big hug,
Kiara!
